Communication Isn’t Always About Talking
Facilitating horse-guided coaching sessions for clients is always a privilege. I get to share space with the majestic creatures God places in my life to grow, strengthen + empower other humans. As a fresh air geek, I get my fill of Mother Nature and, most importantly, I observe the transformation of people as they acclimate to the serene, quiet + safe rural landscape removed from their day-to-day labels + existence.
One recent session stands out from all the others. I’m humbled by its purpose on a grander scale, far beyond the time spent together.
The grander scale was about communication. And how it isn’t always about talking. In this case, the communication was between humans from different countries with few words in common and between humans and horses. It was an experience that reminded me:
There are universal emotions that connect us
Life gets simpler when we’re aware of our body language + its impact
Showing up consistently + authentically trumps filling space with words every time
Mindfulness Helps Humans Notice the Impacts of Their Agendas
As someone in the public relations and marketing industry, this admittedly feels a little incongruent. At least it did until I talked with the horse trainer I’ve mentioned in other blog posts about what horses teach humans about leadership and Katie’s demo day experience. He gently reminded me that the nuances existing between humans + horses also exist between humans. We’re often too rushed or distracted to notice because we bring an agenda to our interactions and conversations with one another. Horses don’t. This was evident during this recent, memorable session.
There were two inspiring women who showed up for a coaching session with the horses and I. The language barrier between the two of them and between one of the women and me was initially intimidating. In a matter of minutes, I realized how irrational it was for me to anticipate a communication challenge. In fact, it was the experience of not being able to communicate the way other humans and I traditionally do that sparked this post’s creation. The session was a beautiful illustration + reminder of the impact of body language, body position + touch - ways of being much more powerful than words.
The Impact of How Humans Show Up With Horses + Each Other
The horses showed up differently for each woman, based on how each woman showed up for them.
When one of the women showed up consistently and confidently, the horses offered their trust. This was evidenced by whether or not a connection was fostered and the horses’ willingness to follow the humans’ lead. In the moments when the humans were inconsistent, lacked confidence or calmness, the horses responded with a guarded hesitancy and disinterest in following or partnering. They were easily distracted by environmental variables (grass to graze, other horses, noises etc.)
The ‘why’ behind this is science based. Every living being has energy housed within its cells. And that energy is transmitted on frequencies much like radio signals. According to Joshua Freedman, a specialist on emotional intelligence (EQ), an author and CEO of sixseconds, humans are constantly, consistently and repeatedly sending messages with that energy. Are you aware of what messages you’re sending? Do you know what your energy is saying?
Horses read human heart energy from a minimum of ten feet away. They do that in the time it takes humans to blink their eyes. They reflect back to humans what they bring with them to the horses’ space in that moment. It’s not about the material objects humans bring with them. It’s about what humans bring from within themselves. There’s no judgement, no drama. It’s simply what is because it’s rooted in the present - the only place horses know where to be. Unlike humans, horses do not spend a majority of their time reliving the past or anticipating the future. They also detect incongruences between humans’ inner being and outer words + actions.
Reflecting on my observations during the session prompts me to think about workplace dynamics. I’ve concluded that humans are impacted more by how others “show up” and less by what is said. Additionally, there’s a correlation between outcomes of the horse-human activities and interactions between humans in the workplace:
Horses are drawn to confidence + consistency and don’t trust someone who isn’t that way. Would humans foster trust more effectively with one another if they showed up consistently + confidently?
One of the most prevalent inconsistencies humans practice is saying one thing + doing another. This creates incongruence. Did you know that humans teach others to be inconsistent simply by the example we offer?
Horses understand touch or body position of one another + humans more than verbal expression. What if humans talked less, listened more and increased their awareness of nonverbal expressions?
Conclusions + questions in mind, the following list offers tips on how you can elevate your consciousness about how you “show up” in your personal + professional lives.
7 Tips to Elevate Your Consciousness of How You “Show Up”
1. Make the Choice
In any given situation, you have two choices - continue current behaviors or work toward change. Defaulting to current behaviors prohibits growth. Working toward change manifests learning + outcomes beyond what you could’ve imagined.
2. Slow down
We’re created as human beings, not as human doings. Allowing ourselves to get tangled in the continual web of doing behaviors inhibits the mind’s ability to rest. It’s been said that the mind will never find rest through achieving more, it will only find rest through slowing and becoming quiet. There is truth in the notion that doing less results in doing more.
3. Quiet the Mind
Train your mind to stop listening to “that voice in your head”. While most humans have it, those who live consciously + with present moment awareness have learned how to shut off the voice that tells them what they’re not - not smart enough, attractive enough, brave enough, etc. Be confident you’re enough + show up that way.
4. Create a Visual
Think about being in the audience of a production and watching yourself on stage. How do you look + sound when you’re conscious of how you’re “showing up”? Is there congruence between your actions + words?
5. Take Responsibility For Your Inner Being
When humans take responsibility for the energy + emotions they bring into the spaces they occupy, they manifest better connectivity with others + have the potential to increase productivity.
6. Listen More, Talk Less
Think about the impact of entering someone else's’ space with a simple + authentic greeting and warm smile - that’s it. In that moment, you’re inviting others to fill the space and setting the tone for you to receive what they have to offer. What a gift to others!
7. Be Present
Have you ever been shaking someone’s hand only to notice they’re looking past you to see who else is in the space? It doesn’t feel very good. The same thing can be said for being physically present but not emotionally or mentally there. When your mind is anywhere other than the space you occupy, others pick up on that and it prevents authentic connections. As I once heard Jennie Baranczyk, head women’s basketball coach of Drake University say, “Be where your feet are!”
